Guides, Mom Groups and Necromancy

the history of putting the wrong accent on the wrong syllable

Guides and Earth guides come to us in many ways across the Universe and across space and time. We are guided through our lives by our loved ones near and far and find our belief systems true through them or find our own way of believing through their outdated beliefs — or maybe just tweaking them slightly. I found this to be true in my life as both my parents were healers — my mom an ICU nurse and my dad an ordained permanent deacon in the Catholic Church. They had their own way of healing the body and the spirit as they were both profoundly impacted by their religion in different ways. Though their religious beliefs are not my own, I was raised to understand that being in a supportive community is a spiritual practice and part of the joy of being human. We are guided by our beliefs and find healing through others’ different perspectives on what those beliefs might mean for the collective and for ourselves.

Mom Groups & Earth Guides

One of my favorite versions of an Earth guide comes in the form of the mom group. These are women who come together after their kids form a friendship and form a tight gathering of their own, looking after each others’ children in ways big and small. We pick up each others’ kids from school, make sure they’re all fed, and manage their social calendars seamlessly and without fail. We are the superheroes of their existence because the kids don’t even realize it’s happening; we just do it, as Nike famously said (the shoe brand, not the goddess). The mom group that supported me and my siblings growing up was a network of believers through my parents’ church that supported the community through activities such as serving the poor and healing emotionally and spiritually with music and food in almost every situation, including weddings and funerals. When the time came for my family to lean on the network of moms when my dad died this past April — five days after the solar eclipse that captivated our part of the country — I found myself leaning on one in particular. We’ll call her Rosie.

I have known Rosie all my life as her children are the same age as myself and two of my siblings, though we were not so close that we spent a lot of time together. Rosie knew everyone and everything that happened within the mom group growing up, and still does! We all know Rosie’s love keeps her connected to the people in her community. She was there on the day of my dad’s funeral, cooking away in the basement of the church. She’s known for her cooking, which is why I was surprised when I found an old cookbook in my mom's house with a peculiar recipe from Rosie. The cookbook was a compilation of recipes from many families’ traditions and held stories within their ingredients. But Rosie’s contribution, in her typical style of humor, was the phone number for the local McDonald’s. This was the 1980s so she was likely juggling all of the aspects of work and home life that almost all women do while their kids are engaged with sports, school, and other activities that keep parents dancing lightly on their toes — or as lightly as they possibly can. Some days it’s a trudge through the week to get to the weekend only to roll over and do it all again.

In any case, Rosie has been there through it all related to my family. She just knows things, too. She appeared magically one day, driving past in her car, while I was visiting my parents as an adult. She asked me how I was doing and when I answered honestly she knew exactly what to say, even though she didn’t know the whole story. It was my sorrow that drew me to Rosie on the day of my dad’s funeral as my heart was breaking open and I scanned the church basement for someone to help me. I may have accosted her with my tears, but she held on to me in a tight hug and magically knew what I didn’t even know I was thinking. She said, “It’s hard to live far away from your family. Don’t feel guilty. It will be ok.” She agreed to post to the parish website a eulogy I had written for my dad but couldn’t read out loud. Whether it happened or not, I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. It was Rosie being there for me in that moment, magically, that helped me through my emotional overwhelm.

Sorrow comes in many forms as do guides. Guides are there for us when we need them and wake us up to our belief systems as we take the time to listen to their stories and understand where our place is in that story. Sometimes the form of guidance comes from across the Universe as we start to open up to our spiritual identity. It is not an identity crisis if you start to see or hear things differently in the form of guided messages, visions, or knowings. We are all meant to be connected to each other, and that includes people in our lives who have passed on or ‘moved to the other side’, as some people call it.

Necromancy & Guides

Necromancy is a word that came to me recently one morning while I was working on other things — typical housework, nothing fancy. But the word fell into my head while pondering aspects of my writing that I knew had come through the energy of my dad after he died. In that moment, my thoughts seemed to flow in and out of time as I peeled apples to make applesauce, a food I connect with my dad. I knew the word, but not exactly so I looked up its meaning.

Necromancy is defined as “The supposed practice of communicating with the dead, especially to predict the future.” I don’t know about the second half of that statement, because predicting the future is tricky work, but in my opinion, necromancy is another form of communication that informs our lives. Communicating with the dead is something that many people can do, even if they are unwilling to acknowledge it. It goes along with being a witch or a soothsayer — too many stories about people being publicly shamed or condemned for their way of being in the world. There is also a level of the ridiculous put on it as witches (women) are portrayed as insane or castigated for not being normal, or doomed to die or fail. We all speak to our loved ones who have died in some form or another. Whether it’s shrines put up in their honor, visiting their gravestones, seeing something in nature that makes you believe they are present, or any other form of communication that brings up our willingness to be in each others’ love, even if the other person is not physically present. I would argue that in some ways it’s even easier to communicate with someone who isn’t ‘present’ because we know they can’t talk back! But sometimes they do bring us messages and they are always delivered through love.

Looking at necromancy through the lens of love is like saying a word slightly differently. My dad used to say, “You put the wrong accent on the wrong syl-LY-ble.” Or you’re mispronouncing it, focusing on the wrong aspect of the word or message. He was also known for saying (a lot), “It’s all a matter of perspective.” So when changing the ‘accent’ or behavior, it changes your perspective and you can find new ways of relating to yourself and others through joy and avasa (Sanskrit word meaning ‘lust for life’), and that includes relating to others who have left the Earth. When receiving messages from other planes of existence, focus on the goodness, sweetness, and love that it brings for you, not the fear. If it’s a fear-based message, ignore it and move on. If it’s in love, sit with it and allow it to move through you. Look to your grounded sources for more information if you need it and enact change in your life when it feels right to you.

I am part of a larger group of people that believes we here on planet Earth are undergoing a huge sea change energetically which shows up viscerally in our environment. We see things are changing all around us in big ways, whether it’s the Earth speaking directly to us through nature, the denigration of cultural aspects through politics, or other ways that might seem fearful or doom and gloom. But the difference this time compared to all the other eras when things like this occurred is that there is another energy of love that is moving right alongside the fear, anger and denigration. This energy is much stronger, comes from the Earth itself, and we can feel it in our bodies if we take a moment to sit with it. Instead of focusing on the behaviors of a few people, look at the behaviors of the many in your community and beyond. Change your perspective. Put the accent on a different syllable.

We have the potential to be great, to come together as a community, to believe in ourselves and in the collective at the same time. We have the power within and without to effect great change on our planet and we are doing it one by one, bit by bit until there is a groundswell of acceptance from others. We can do it, I know we can. There are more smart people out there than not, there are more accepting people out there than not. We allow ourselves to be sucked into self-doubt, but when one person rises up and says, “Yes, I am!” we see that all of us have the same potential.